Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas Cheer!

Boughs of pine, apple cider, noels, and the ballads of Christmas... Some are perfect as pumpkin pie. Others are... uh... how shall we put it?

Candy canes! We all know the candy cane story! A candy maker in Indiana wanted to make a candy that would remind people of the true meaning of Christmas. He made a pure white candy to remind everyone of the pure virgin birth. He used hard candy to represent Christ, the Solid Rock. He formed the candy into a "J" for "Jesus", and when you turn it upside down, you can see the staff of the great Shepherd (Jesus!) who will lead all those home who are lost and dying. Lastly, he stained the pure white candy with stripes of red to remind us of the stripes Christ was born to receive for us. His blood that stained the cross washed us white as snow.

"Merry Christmas!"

When I say this, something goes through me that makes me soooooooooooo happy, even if I don't get a reply. I don't know exactly when Jesus was born, but I know He brought hope to the world and merriness of heart to me.


OK, that is actually a pagan tradition, but there is (almost) nothing more exciting than waking up to boxes of love wrapped in pretty paper all for ME!!! (Don't worry, I'm not as greedy as I sound! lol) Anticipation even after peeking through the wrapping (ahem, I stopped that habit last year). Giving... joy after opening a pair of socks!!! hey, I'm really not that hard to please. Give me socks (cute ones), gift cards, just a regular card..... a diamond ring... yep, I'll be thankful for you thinking of me! But, I'm not gonna use your gag or white elephant gift, so wait for next Christmas when I give it away to your three-year-old.

"You Can Be a Santa Too!"

This song scares me. I don't even think I've listened to it the whole way through. One line says "Santa lives inside of you!". Whoe, that's scary. And speaking of Santa.....

Did you know if you scramble the words a little, you can spell "Satan" instead of "Santa"!? You may wonder why I am so against the big, jolly guy who brings you goodies and loves you so much. One statement sums it all up: it's a lie. A big, fat, mean lie. My loving parents (whom I love so much) told me the lovely Santa story, only to confess their half-truth to me when I was about 4 (yeah, I know, there's no such thing as half-truth). What they told me was that Santa was in fact this good 'ol Saint Nick guy who really did deliver presents to those in need. But then - the killer - my loving Mom told me he died. If you decide to lie to your kids about Christmas, don't make it worse by telling your child someday that Santa died. I was changed for life (not really). Actually, it's all very funny now. If my man (see future references) tells our kids about Santa, I'm keeping my mouth shut tight. "Mommy, is Santa comin' tonight!?" they'll ask. "Let your Daddy answer that." I'll say.

Christmas is probably my favorite holiday... well, the 4th of July is close. And Thanksgiving, since I'm sooooooooooooooooo thankful for everything God gives to me... and takes away. Christmas cheer is not dead and it's so worth it.

So, there's my thoughts on Christmas. Some things about Christmas, I laugh over and ignore. Some things, I cry over every year (remembering the deceased Saint Nick - lol). I found myself singing so joyfully this year all 12 days of Christmas (still goin')! It's truly the most wonderful time of the year.

So This is Christmas...

Merry Christmas!!!

Whoe, this Christmas is gonna be a hard one. Almost ALL my cousins won't be able to come, unlike every Christmas when we're ALL together. So it'll be me, my lovely family and both sets of grands at their houses, extended family dotted all around town at their homes, and friends in my heart.

I've lost many family members this year. Yep, it's been a tough one. And they're not gone - they linger here long after the last good-bye. Some of the greatest men and women that ever lived! And this will be my first Christmas without them. Some people live so much life that they leave behind breaths of legacy on each and every one of us, and they are never wiped away from the hearts of those they touched. We are who we are because of who they were. I have many stories, and many memories... many pictures. And I have others in my life that will leave the same marks.

There's a list of ups and downs from this year, but I have angels watching over me (yeah, right). They're just true, true friends, and they told me to keep my head up and pray through it. So I did every time. And every single time, no matter how hopeless the situation seemed to be, when I called on Jesus and humbled myself in the sight of the Lord, begging for Him to help me, He did. I'm always welcomed at His table, and I am pierced into His heart by that spear that He took for me on Calvary. Who cares about a bullet? Christ took my spear!

Who have I taken for granted this year? Who have I taken advantage of? Are there just too many people in this world for me? What about that little boy fighting leukemia that smiles as his family sings carols to him in the hospital room? What about the amount of babies being aborted every day? Really... too many people? Thank God Momma didn't abort ME! Seriously. Have I felt that everybody's out to get me? Who am I out to get!? How many times have I gone about my day knowing some things are just ridiculous, yet I do them because I love those that I am serving? How many times have I spit in the face of those who tell me over and over again that they love me! What's it gonna take for me to believe them? Wouldn't hurt to ask yourself these questions. This year I can say and mean this more than ever: "I am blessed and God is so good." I have learned life and learned to love more in this year than all my 18 years combined. God has nourished me and tenderly brought me up, shielding me from the killer weather, yet allowing me to experience the dry spells and winter freezes. I am better for it. God is so good.

And to all you who have been cheated, lied to, picked up and shaken like a rag doll, left to fend for yourself... maybe feeling all washed out by the rains of life... All you who have spent your last resource on someone or something and are at your rope's end... All you who have had your face spit on in return for abundant love... Rejoice. And again I say, rejoice. Christ suffered the same. God is perfecting you. Peace on earth, good will toward men. The King came, and is coming back again.

So, this is Christmas. Probably the best one yet, though many loved people weren't here. I ate a LOT and didn't gain a pound (joy!) and I'm so excited to get all my presents lined up and start thank-you cards (so special!). Merry merriness to y'all and good night. May God bless you richly. If I could say one last thing, and I can, lol, it would be this:
I feel more loved every day by God my Savior. I never have to wonder if anybody loves me, and it's not just because I have a wonderful family and friends that are real friends. It's because God has a plan for me and He thinks peace, and no evil toward me. It's because He's longsuffering with my faults and He forgives me of my sins so often. He puts up with so much, and I don't know what I did to deserve to have my heart broken so often and open up to Him with so much ease. I must have somebody who loves me very much that prays for me every day. Grace has been my whole life and Love is my song. The joy of the Lord has strengthened me so that I have withstood more than I thought I could bear with God alone by my side. And I'm so sure of the Lord that I'm ready for more if there has to be more! He has answered every prayer I ever prayed, and whether it was no or yes, it was always good. And you, whoever you are, can have this too. There are no exceptions - God and His grace is free to everyone who will ask.

For God so loved the world
that he gave his only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in him should not perish,
but have everlasting life.
John 3:16

Monday, December 20, 2010

I've found lately that the less control I have of my life, the more I surrender to God... because He's the only One that can do the right thing with it.

And that is NOT a synonym for "giving up".

Friday, November 19, 2010

How Real is God.... Really?

I sat, shocked, at what I had just read. Every single word was the epiphany of convicting truth in the form of questions.

"...if I really believe Almighty God is real, shouldn't my life shake.... with wonder, praise, awe?"

quote from

You'll find it there... somewhere!

The answer is.... YES. We saved people spend our whole lives hiding under a bushel, lifting it occasionally to let a little of Jesus' kindness shine out, or allowing our God-given joy to seep through the cracks, just so the world will know we're a little bit different.

Arguments aren't enough. Sure - they fire us up and shift us into defensive gear, words of God spilling forth in memory verses. Words we always read alone... where no one has a glimpse of the glory that fills our eyes from those red letters on the pages of history.

When is there proof in my life? Proof that God breathes in me - that His hand holds me at all times. Where is the proof that I am dead and He lives for me & in me? Where is the passion of the disciples that defied heat and flame, rising from boiling oil that did not effect, burning purely inside already with the fire of the Holy Spirit?

"But what is hotter than having ourselves pressed into the very heart of Someone?"

(another quote)

Didn't the spear that pierced His side spill the last of Himself for me - that living water - when all His blood had run? I may believe He is real, but they won't if all they see is little bits and pieces of Him from me. WE are all the world has! Stop pretending like people aren't going to hell. Jesus took my cross, my nails, my crown of thorns.... He took my spear. My sin pierced His heart. In went sin and death, and out came justification and life. Why don't I live justified?

Do I really believe?

They say once something as big as God moves in, He can't help but show out. But I don't know why God would want to show Himself through the life of a doubter. That's the bottom line. I believe that God is good enough to get me into Heaven and keep me. But do I believe He's great enough to send down fire from Heaven at my humble prayer? Why aren't the mountains moving? Why aren't the lame walking? Why aren't the blind seeing? Why aren't His arms reaching? Where is His glory? It's in me, a sinner saved by grace. God says, "Fear not, though worm Jacob, and ye men of Israel; I will help thee, saith the Lord, and thy redeemer, the Holy One of Israel." Lift the bushel and burn it. Once and for all. I should stop trying to live without Him. I shouldn't be living at all. I died with my sin, and Christ is all the life that's in me now. I am to reflect His image now. Is my faith in Him strong enough to accomplish that?

Is the reality of God a reality in my life?

final quote:

"Do I think God sleeps?

Or is that just me dozing, blanketed in semi-comatose faith?"

"Perhaps... instead of asking questions of our trials, trials are meant to ask questions of ourselves." -Esther

One Night with the King, 2006

Friday, October 22, 2010

A Few 2010 Pix

The Beautiful California Desert...
WHY do wires have to be in the way???

The rugged and elusive tree-grabber (or grabbing-tree) can only be found in California, so we think. Funny story...

NO WAY -- is that a heart?

I don't know which shade I like better.

Guitar Princess...

Out'a town...

Camping last week...

Sunday, October 17, 2010


About two years ago, me and my Mom were shopping at Ross, when a storm hit the town and rain came down, bombarding the parking lot til it was about 3 inches deep in water. With hard droplets still running from the sky, me and Mom ran out of Ross to the classy, black Pilot waiting for us at the front of the store. Now, remember, I was running... in the rain... on the sidewalk. "Don't slip!" she said. And just as I said "I won't!".... out from under me came my feet, slipping on the wet concrete and falling hard. My black and blue basketball shorts were soaked. And after that fall, those shorts weren't all that was black and blue. I thought I had my footing. I was running, sure of myself and focused on my destination - the warm Honda Pilot. I was totally unprepared for that fall. I barely noticed my feet lose their grip in those shoes. And all the sudden, out of nowhere, I was utterly let down by my own confidence in my ability to tangle with the weather and smile at the same time. A group of people were coming in as we were going out, and I'm sure they were laughing at me, though I didn't hear anybody snickering in the background. The sensations from the fall and the cold and wetness was all around me. I cannot to this day explain how I lost my footing so easily... I mean, I can usually at least catch myself!

That's not the only kind of slipping I'm familiar with. There are days when I'm on cloud 9, with nothing to search for because I feel I've already found it. Totally at peace with God and content to stay in His presence. The next day may come to be unexpectedly hard and with a new battle like I've never experienced before. Sometimes like the only hell that I, as a Christian, will ever see. No matter how a day goes, whether good or bad, I can say it's easy to slip, at times, with little or no effort.
You can be bored, searching the Internet, and suddenly an idea strikes your mind. Without a second thought, you can find yourself in a trap, hovering over images or words that will leave you with big scars. Maybe you can't explain how your fingers got you there... it just happened.
Here's another scenario - something might not go exactly the way you planned it, somebody ruins your plans, and perception leads you to believe, for the first time in your life, that this somebody is out to get you. So the next time they get in your way, that perception kicks in again, and before you know it, you have a bitter, un-named grudge against this person. The next week, your friend says something about getting into a fight with this somebody, and you mention that this somebody sounds like that kind of person who would do that, but get this -- you'll never guess where I saw them the other day......... Just like that, with the slip of the tongue, you've let a monster out.
Maybe you'd be at a buddy's house. They've invited a bunch of friends from high school. There's a flirty girl there. She's cute, kind of annoying at first, but you really warm up to her as the hours go by. She invites you into a room by yourselves.... hey, you're a tough guy, you can handle this. All the sudden she turns Delilah on you, opening her smooth lips in the most seductive way and beckoning you further.... further... and... slip! It is so easy. One weak moment, all of Truth whispering graciously in the back of your mind, in the midst of your heart, warning you, "Don't slip!" while you take the devil's hand, whispering back "I won't". And slip. That's all it takes.
We are to be vigil, ever watching. For our adversary, the devil, walks about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. It's not hard to slip. It can happen with us scarcely knowing, until we're on the ground, fallen, black and blue. Wounded for life sometimes. And trapped. We must face the shame and look into all the faces that warned us. All the souls that told us to slow down... to not go there... to watch out. Because they've been there. Slipping is not hard. It's almost not even our fault. That's why it's so easy to blame others when we slip up into sin. But if we would have watched, listened, and trusted, we would have never slipped. Our Deliverer is great. But He would rather us stand fast, than see us fall and have to come free us from the snare.

So, today, and every day... for the rest of your life... please don't slip.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Thou hast made me to know the ways of life; thou shalt make me full of joy with thy countenance. Acts 2:28

We never know how short of a time we have here.

Speak sweeter, love deeper; live, laugh and love.

We, Christian, are light, and the world is dark. Let your light shine while the world has you.

We have life, and they have only death. Live your best while they can see life.

Jesus showed us how to live.
Live and love fearlessly like Jesus taught us how to. Perfect love casteth out fear.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Monday, August 30, 2010


I can look up and see a heart-shaped ray of sun peeking through the leaves of our big oak. Now that's His love. And I feel it every time pain cuts its deepest in this life. And every day as I realize more and more that it's not what I say but what I do that matters most. I have a thing for finding hearts everywhere I look. And finding the clock just at the right time to make a wish (11:11, 4:44, &c.). God is always pouring out His love to me in little ways that most people would brush off and go about their days.... on and on and on.... never noticing His gifts that none of us deserve. Every day, in every way, even in the times when I feel He's not listening, I know that He's repeatedly saying and trying to show me... saying "I love you."

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variablenes, neither shadow of turning." James 1:17

Does He still feel the nails every time I fail? "I love you" written in red - written in His blood. Jesus' blood. Precious gift, precious love. And the more I see how horrid I am, and I see me, who Jesus died for.... how could He see so much in me? Why does He love me so much? Seriously - WHY!? I am greatful.... humbled. His love draws me. The more worthless I feel, the more I feel His love. It wraps itself into my soul, weaving every gentle thread of lovingkindness into my hard heart every day. And when I push it away, He plunges me with all my hardness into the deep luscious waters of His grace. I could never ask for more. I never knew a Love like this existed. And He's mine.... for eternity.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

It's Real

Oh, how well do I remember how I doubted day by day
For I did not know for certain that my sins were washed away
When the Spirit tried to tell me, I would not truth receive
I endeavoured to be happy, and to make myself believe.

When the truth came close and searching, all my joy would disappear
For I did not have the witness of the Spirit bright and clear
If at times the coming judgement would appear before my mind
O it made me so uneasy, for God's smile I could not find.

But at last I tired of living such a life of fear and doubt
For I wanted God to give me something I would know about
So the truth would make me happy, and the light would clearly shine
And the Spirit have assurance that I'm His and He is mine.

So I prayed to God in earnest, and not caring what folks said
I was hungry for salvation; my poor soul it must be fed
When at last by faith I touched Him, and, like sparks from smitten steel
Just so quick salvation reached me. O bless God I know it's real!

But it's real, it's real, O I know it's real
Praise God, the doubts are settled and I know it's real!

H.L. Cox

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My Present Cravings


If I'm gonna know God's will for my life, I'm gonna need wisdom to try the spirits, whether they are of God. In Ecclesiastes, it says the heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, while the fools abide in the house of mirth. They that are wise and abide in Christ are joyful, but I want to know more of why the wise are found in the house of mourning?!? I don't want to abide in the house of mirth. A wise man put it this way: Fellowship and fun are the spice of life, but who wants to eat a meal of just ground cinnamon or table salt? I want wisdom... in everything. I want wisdom to know how to make an appeal, when to charge and when to calmly approach, how to act and react..... whoe, there's so much.
Key verses: Ecclesiastes 7:4, Proverbs 14:15


I have more questions than ever before, and they're not being answered fast enough for my running soul. I am an over-flowing cup of curiosity! The whole world seems to be screaming at me to go to college, when the knowledge I've been blessed with so far tells me the truth - college can't teach me anything that I can not teach myself. I pray that one day, if God chooses to bless me with children, they won't waste their years wondering and day-dreaming so much about things without looking it up, especially if the information is within their house! Knowledge can save lives, it can reform ways of thinking, it can prepare us for the life that's coming - a hard life. We'll be under the yoke of a tyrant for the next 4 years, and with the right kind of knowledge, we'll be okey. I'm glad I'm still young and single and free to study study study. Key verses: Proverbs 1:28-33, proverbs 24:3-5

Cranberry juice

Why, you may ask? Let's just say it helps ALOT to cleanse and heal the liver and kidneys, and it helps to detoxify the whole body, as a matter of fact. And it's sooooooo bitter, until you dilute it with water and add Stevia powder (alternative to sugar - NO I am NOT on a diet!). Yummy..... it also masks the bitter taste of Milk Thistle and Herbal Detox drops. lol... I love my cranberry juice.


Lotz of things are about to start happening in my life, and some things just aren't coming soon enough, while other things are arriving too quickly. My passions are being tested and encouraged in so many circumstances. My convictions are being challenged and strengthened every day by different sources. I have more questions than ever before, and they're not being answered fast enough to satisfy my running soul. I've been asking - begging - for patience to be given me, and God has been allowing trials to come up, raining tests upon me, and much more. Every trial is welcomed through the trouble it brings. Every test is so loving and given with grace to face and conquer. Key verse: 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

Monday, May 31, 2010

2nd Edition on Memorial Day... Couldn't Forget This

Here dead lie we because we did not choose

To live and shame the land from which we sprung

Life be it sure is nothing much to lose

But young men think it is, and we were young

A. E. Housman

Happy Memorial Day!

It is a happy day, for we true Americans can remember the loving sacrifice of every American soldier that ever lived, and died, for freedom. For our freedom. Freedom is never free. And greater love hath no man than this, that a man would lay down his life for his friends!

I pray we'll remember the sacrifice today that is more and more being forgotten, as we relinquish our freedom to aliens who want our country. Soldiers, Marines, Fighter Pilot, captains and privates - all of them have given what cannot be gotten back. The closest thing a Christian will ever come compared to hell. Some are tortured and imprisoned, some wondering if it is all in vain. But it's not. I am totally greatful and resolved to remember them for the rest of my life. Some members of my family, and some of my friends are over seas, or preparing to be, to go and fight evil all around the world. And I am so thankful for them and the others.

Support our troops. Pray for our troops, and please remember them. Don't forget the true America. Tell your children of it. Teach them all that America ought to be. I wonder what it could at least be if we all remembered.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


This is my favorite hymn (besides Amazing Gace, of course).

One More Pic

This is Break the Chains in color... I wish the front wouldn't have been so blurry. I'll try again another time.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Long Lost Photos

Some of these pics are from last year! Whoa....

A girl's dresser.....

See the heart?

Me driving the big green tractor...

just kidding


Break the Chains...