I sat, shocked, at what I had just read. Every single word was the epiphany of convicting truth in the form of questions.
"...if I really believe Almighty God is real, shouldn't my life shake.... with wonder, praise, awe?"
quote from http://www.aholyexperience.com/
You'll find it there... somewhere!
The answer is.... YES. We saved people spend our whole lives hiding under a bushel, lifting it occasionally to let a little of Jesus' kindness shine out, or allowing our God-given joy to seep through the cracks, just so the world will know we're a little bit different.
Arguments aren't enough. Sure - they fire us up and shift us into defensive gear, words of God spilling forth in memory verses. Words we always read alone... where no one has a glimpse of the glory that fills our eyes from those red letters on the pages of history.
When is there proof in my life? Proof that God breathes in me - that His hand holds me at all times. Where is the proof that I am dead and He lives for me & in me? Where is the passion of the disciples that defied heat and flame, rising from boiling oil that did not effect, burning purely inside already with the fire of the Holy Spirit?
"But what is hotter than having ourselves pressed into the very heart of Someone?"
Didn't the spear that pierced His side spill the last of Himself for me - that living water - when all His blood had run? I may believe He is real, but they won't if all they see is little bits and pieces of Him from me. WE are all the world has! Stop pretending like people aren't going to hell. Jesus took my cross, my nails, my crown of thorns.... He took my spear. My sin pierced His heart. In went sin and death, and out came justification and life. Why don't I live justified?
Do I really believe?
They say once something as big as God moves in, He can't help but show out. But I don't know why God would want to show Himself through the life of a doubter. That's the bottom line. I believe that God is good enough to get me into Heaven and keep me. But do I believe He's great enough to send down fire from Heaven at my humble prayer? Why aren't the mountains moving? Why aren't the lame walking? Why aren't the blind seeing? Why aren't His arms reaching? Where is His glory? It's in me, a sinner saved by grace. God says, "Fear not, though worm Jacob, and ye men of Israel; I will help thee, saith the Lord, and thy redeemer, the Holy One of Israel." Lift the bushel and burn it. Once and for all. I should stop trying to live without Him. I shouldn't be living at all. I died with my sin, and Christ is all the life that's in me now. I am to reflect His image now. Is my faith in Him strong enough to accomplish that?
Is the reality of God a reality in my life?
"Do I think God sleeps?
Or is that just me dozing, blanketed in semi-comatose faith?"