Alive and Well Nigh Going Crazy! In a Down-Right Southern Way....

I have come to accept my personal blog-cycle. I post for a few weeks and then take like a 4 or 5 or how-ever-long break.

 

*Sorry guys and girls* ....more girls than guys actually :)

 

I have a lot of news and a lot of explaining to do. Where should I start?

 

There's something special come up that has completely taken my attention for the past 4 months. Maybe I'll let ya know by tomorrow exactly what it is. Or next week. Or after July 27th--which by the way is your first clue ;)

 

Hey don't judge! It's one o'clock in the morning and I just finished putting together our invitations!! Just now finished!

 

*That's right.....our invitations*

 

And I'm just a littleee tired.

 

I'll let you think on it. Maybe for a few days. Again, sorry!!!!

 

♥...............here's one more clue...............♥

 

Free to Struggle

You might have to think about this one. I know I had to.

James 1:2-3 says, "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience."

And Romans 7:24-25, "O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin."

When we become children of God, some of us tend to hold onto the chains Christ has broken. The chains of old habits, addictions and favorite sins. The sins that He allowed to nail Him to the cross...instead of us. We are free!!! Why do we run back to our prison? God will never disown us, but why do we want to grab our old life back and cling to it like it's our first love or something? There's a song that my brother listens to, and it just hit me today how true this is:

Hallelujah, we are free to struggle

We're not struggling to be free

Your blood bought, and makes us children

Children, drop your chains and sing

 

Be joyful when you are tried. The struggle to be godly works patience in you. Instead of struggling to be free from all the nothingness I felt before I was saved, I am now free to choose to do the right thing (and it is a struggle - check out Romans 7). I I was lugging around such a heavy weight before I met Christ. My sins were awful. And on top of all the guilt and pressure, I knew I would spend an eternity away from God, in hell. Now I will be going to heaven and I am completely, amazingly, miraculously free! My heart feels light and I am hopeful. There is power in His blood. Yes, we struggle. But thank God for your struggles!!! It is all for you, to help you grow, to exercise your faith, to make you patient. The struggle to be free was hopeless on our part. But now our old man is crucified with Christ, and we have resurrected to a new life with Him! He has overcome where we could not and He will continue to do so through us. The struggle against our flesh is of Him and through Him. It is our choice to take hold on victory, as it is ours forever.

 



Life at the Hospital

My grandpa had his second knee replacement surgery today. He's a tough, self-employed man who does amazing carpentry as a side job, and also just for fun :) He's trying to rest in the bed next to me, and more family is huddled in the room with us. His right knee was replaced last year in December and it wasn't nearly as painful as the left knee is giving him right now. He and my grandma will probably be staying at the hospital for the next three days. Last time he had a knee replacement, we came and stayed every day with them -- all day. The only time we spent at home was to eat dinner and sleep.
Going through something like this is made so much more bearable when family is near. Having a knee replaced and then being an invalid for about a month really wears on one's patience.
Staying in a hospital room or waiting room for days at a time can exhaust you!! It's so nice to have people visit and provide a change in atmosphere. Not only does it let them know the patient is cared for, but it also gives them an opportunity to focus on something else. Being in a hospital all day long kind of has a way of causing burn out, even if you're not in an anxious state. It just happens that way.  You either sit quietly next to your relative while they snooze or you sit (and sleep) in a waiting room chair among others who quietly wait for their loved ones in surgery/intensive care/etc.

Don't decide to not visit someone in the hospital because you don't want to "over crowd" them. They will go home exhausted either way. Encouragement is your best bet, and visiting is even better encouragement than a card or a text!!! It is also proven that people heal faster if they are in contact with and are supported by those who love them!

His woman of over 40 years just have him a kiss. I think he hurts a little less now :)

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22

Double-Take!!?

 I used to look down on guys for staring at a scantily dressed girl. It made me so mad!!! I mean, come on guys. Do you want to be pure or not? Do you really want to have a pure mind for your wife? Or does every man secretly fantasize about random women dressed in low-cut shirts and short skirts? Is that all it takes!!?
Then I realized that guys were just reacting to something very natural inside of them called hormones and that it is very difficult for the poor guys to keep their testosterone levels from exploding when they see so much skin and -- yeah -- its a big deal! So I started to look down on all the girls out there who expose as much of their bodies as they can without going nude. It really got my blood to boiling! I have brothers, a Dad, and an amazing ♥man♥ in my life. That's not very fair to them when they see girls walking around Walmart dressed in such a way.
But then I realized, not only that the heart of man is desperately wicked and deceitful above all things, but also that we are all extremely pressured by society in the area of clothing. Or lack thereof...

She was walking through the grocery store on a Monday afternoon. She was beautiful. And thin. And blond. I won't even describe her clothes. Let's just say it was February of this year, and though we had 70 degree weather that day, she was not anywhere near a beach! Her long hair was pulled back in a pony tail and had tucked a plumeria flower behind her ear, making her appear girlish and "innocent". Heavy eye make up and glossy lips...anyway...

Bait. That's exactly what she was.

She casually strolled past the fish and meat department. I was expecting a lot of heads to turn, and I was right! It was kind of amusing. The guys who were supposed to be handling raw meat and cutting up fish had all left their posts and congregated together, gawking at her. The male shoppers all stopped what they were doing to look. Men, who were there shopping with other women, stared for a couple seconds and then jolted back to their business. She was totally unaware (supposedly) that, as she passed by, every guy was doing a double-take. Every. Single. One. The minds of those guys were feeding on the bait. Drawn in by the hook that could very possibly lead them down to destruction.  


It fills my heart with sadness. And an urgency to produce change. Sex is selling these days and it is no accident. Women's magazines, even teen mags, are loaded with sex and soft porn. Women are tricked by the lies of society. The devil has so darkened the minds of fashion designers and Hollywood that women and girls buy into every little bit of it! The men are no different. The world makes women look like a toy or a sex trophy and women believe it so men treat them that way. Thanks a bunch to the media, women's magazine producers, and those who set the fashion statements worn by all today. Modest clothes are hard to find! Modest and yet attractive clothes are even harder to find! Its like searching for buried treasure. And yet it is not impossible. There's still time to change the course of history. Just keep what is secret, a secret!!! There's a reason its called 'underwear'. We as women have a responsibility to treat ourselves with dignity even if society doesn't. We have a right to respect and protect ourselves. Will you?

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10 

Confession Time - Gotta Love It

Well since my ridiculous long break from writing, you might not be surprised to find that I have grown into more of a health nut AND sweet tea is still the bomb. I've also been growing in my new life!!! There are three enormous battles I've been fighting and am seeing victory every single day, learning how to be not-like-me anymore, but like Christ instead.

Here they are...

Rebellion
If I could describe myself in one word that completed all of me, it would be "rebellious". Even though I am sure we all struggle with this, I still hate to admit it. Psalm 68:6 has become the lamp to light my path on this subject.
"God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land."

Diligence
Even more hard to admit, I'm not very diligent. Not good at being consistent. I keep my room clean for 2 days and then let it get out of control again (I'm 20 years old for crying out loud!). I will start a new project and sometimes don't finish it, usually because it's not happening as fast as I hoped or it's not becoming what I wanted it to be. There are plenty of verses about diligence, like this one.
"He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich." Proverbs 10:4.
Bottom line concerning diligence: You can't be successful without it.

Forgiveness
We can always learn more about this. I'm learning that I CAN truly forgive those who hurt me (instead of just SAYING I forgive them and not really meaning it) and God CAN show me how to truly and dearly love them. I was never able to forgive until I truly understood the forgiveness of God for the first time. What He forgave me for was a far great wrong than what I could ever forgive anyone for. I have had some awful things said about me and done to me (just like every other human being) and won't go into any details whatsoever, because none of the offences committed against me were, and never will be, as severe as the offences I have committed against God and His Son.
This topic can go a very, veryyyyy long way. But for the most part, I'm telling you people, forgiveness is freedom. This will change your life.
"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32

 

 

New Beginnings - 2012

I got saved. I can't explain it any other way. All the other things I've ever written, all the passion I've ever lived with for God, life, and other people...I have found that as deep as it felt, it was all surface. It is possible to know so, so very much about Him and never meet Him. But I met Him. I'm still in awe of what has happened to me!

I'm writing today to let everyone know that as of September 20, 2012, I was no longer the same person. Not sure who's reading, since I haven't posted in almost a year....sorryyyy! But anyway...

My parents raised me in the knowledge of God and all that He is. All He has done. The story of Jesus Christ...how He died for me, rose for me, lives for me and is coming back for God's children someday. I have lived with the hope of something far greater than this world can ever offer. Dad and Mom brought me up in that hope. Taught me the stories and displayed faith through the lives they have lived. In the South, getting "saved" is the same thing as being "born again". In John 3, Jesus tells the Pharisee who came to see Him by night, "Ye must be born again." Born of water through a mother, and born of the Spirit through God's Son.
I feel much like that Pharisee, Nicodemus. Going to see Jesus by night, trying to hide the fact that he knew he needed Jesus, that he didn't have it all figured out. Hypocrite. Aren't we all? But I would hate to die as one. Since I grew up in a Christian home and could quote Bible stories backwards, it might not be surprising to you that I believe in Jesus. That I have followed His ways...or so it seemed that way to me. Some of you reading this may think me very fortunate to have grown up in such a good home. To know of the deep love of God in giving His only Son for my life's sake. I'm glad I grew up in this home. I knew all the stories, I knew the Bible verses...but they were never completely real to me. Now they are. The Bible now has true significance in my life. But not only that.
I love God. And Jesus!!! Never loved anyone more. Have you ever heard the story of the little girl who has tons of pretty dolls to play with, but the ragged, torn doll is the one she loves the most? She holds it close to her everywhere she goes, and strokes its tangled hair. Well, that's me. I was just a good-for-nothing sinner. A miserable creature. And God wanted me to be His. I have never felt so loved in my life than the day I met Jesus.

God made me completely new that day. Its the greatest thing that's ever happened to me! Best day of my life! After calling a friend that day to tell her the news, I also learned from her shared testimony about what had happened to me.

 2 Corinthians 4:3-4, "But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost. In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them."

I had been blinded by the devil. He is definitely the Father of lies. I'm so glad that God's light is greater than Satan's darkness. I was praying and reading John 14 in my Bible that Thursday morning, on September 20, and God's light shone down into my darkness. I have always had to put up such a fight to focus on the Word of God, mainly because I always felt that it never fully clicked with me. I had never "got it". And I had also been struggling with that common doubt that a lot of "Christian" people seem to deal with. The "Am I really saved?" feeling. Its a sick feeling. I had felt that pulling and tugging at my heart, which is a perfect way to describe how it felt to have the Holy Spirit convicting me of my lost heart and mind. And yes...I had lost my mind. Lost it to lies and confusion. Then, in a moment when God knew I couldn't turn away anymore, He whispered John 14:6 to me, "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man cometh unto the Father but by me." And I wasn't lost anymore from that moment on. It finally hit me - the Truth! I finally got it! I smiled and cried and thanked God for the only Way to be with Him. My unbelieving and darkened heart had light poured into it. And now I can rest in my eternal Life!

So from now on, everything written here will be by a true child of God :)
 

I Have it Good

What do you think I'm about to say? What are most of my posts about anyway?


It's been some kind of journey! And it's been good....and it's not over yet!
I have it good. Life is sweet! Each day I fall on my knees, amazed.
I'm amazed that God loves me. I'm amazed that He came. Amazed that I'm saved and on my way to heaven. I am covered in the righteousness of God and He sees nothing filthy about me. I am clean and whole. I am set apart and a holy, precious thing in God's eyes, all because of Jesus. I'm God's girl.
Now THAT is what I write about! Sweet, glory-joy.

And if that isn't enough, I have a family that adores me and a dad that knows so well how to teach me right from wrong and gives me wisdom. My mom is so loving and understanding. We don't have a lot, but we make the very most of it. And it becomes a lot. We keep our heads up and pray to the Father faithfully, and He always gives us what we need. I have friends far and near who laugh with me until we cry, every time we talk on the phone. They listen to me talk about my crazy ideas and put up with my giggling, lively personality ALL DAY LONG when we're together! My brothers are so much fun, they're great. Little butterfly makes me laugh every single day. My grandparents are so generous and love us all so much. I can never be serious, I am like a little colt. Wide-eyed and ready for anything! That is who I am. That's just Erica.
Jesus is always near. I have books and a camera and am blessed with the Internet and a car and all kinds of other things that many people in the world don't have. I have clothes and plenty of food...a working toilet...and toilet paper. Yeah, I am blessed! Wood floors, soft carpet in the bedrooms, flowers growing outside... I can walk, run, talk, sing, jump, flip in the air, swim, dance, laugh, hold, hug, kiss, think, wonder, write, play, sleep, wake, bend, stretch, eat, pray, love, dream...
I have it good. I have MUCH. And to whom much has been given, much more will be required. And I am so glad and joyful to have things to give away.
And so my prayer is:
"Lord, please give me the wisdom I need to see like You do, so I'll know who to give what to. Prepare my heart so I'll always be ready. Help me to kill the pride and selfishness in me so I'll be as generous to others as You have been to me. Help me to go through life ready to just give my heart away to anyone who will take it, because Your love abides in me, and the whole world needs it."

You will reap what you sow in life. God is no respecter of persons. He sends rain on the wicked and on the righteous. He gives wisdom to anyone who will ask. The questions is, what will you do with it? I have it good. I want to be a good steward of all the good I've been given.

Beautiful Day

Just decided to stop for a few minutes and share this beautiful day. The oven is preheating to 375° and I'm working on the laundry. Still in the pj's, my bed's not made, and I'm entertaining myself by dancing around the kitchen, singing in a silly voice while preparing the classic breakfast-type lunch for the family. Not "brunch"...it's too late for that! Bacon, eggs and pancakes, a breakfast-type lunch. Mom just finished grading my brother's papers from yesterday, Dad just finished ironing his clothes, little brother and butterfly are hurrying through chores so they can hang out with the grands, and little-big brother is doing his thing (whatever comes to his mind on the spur of the moment). Outside is a high 88 and I see thin, wispy clouds. The sky is gorgeous blue.

...Now I'm back after 3 1/2 hours and am going swimming with the little-big brother in a couple minutes! Last night I read Romans 6 and talked with the Lord before falling asleep. This morning, read Psalm 5 and 64. It's so hot outside but the air is so sweet! I walk hand-in-hand with the God of the whole universe. He is on my side even though I fail Him at times. He is good enough to show me when I fail Him, and oh how it hurts when He does! But He always gives this wonderful peace and a calming reassurance when I turn back to Him.

Tonight, Lord willing, I and the same brother will arrive safely at the church house at 7:00 for Reformers Unanimous. I watch the kids in the nursery and he works in the sound booth. We reach out to the struggling there and pray for them throughout the week. We also struggle. We need the Lord's help every day, in our spiritually bankrupt state. And daily, in the most crucial way, we need to put on the armor of God and diligently watch out for our adversary.

We are so blessed to have all these things, to have the Word of God with us always. So blessed to have such a beautiful day! I love you Lord!
"But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee." Psalm 5:11

Ugly Christians in an Ugly World

Life is crazy! Life is hard sometimes...and it's also precious. So many times we find things to complain about and have a critical spirit inside of us. What does that mean to the world? What does it mean to them when professing Christians walk around with a sour expression and an attitude of UNthankfulness?! Why in the world would they want what we've got when we don't even seem like we want what we've got?
It is tiring to be around self-proclaimed Christians who sing a song in church and two minutes later, scream at their kid for spilling something on the floor. I am so TIRED of reading in the Bible how we ought to encourage and pray for one another - be kind to eachother - and all we do is make fun of and gossip about people behind their backs! No wonder the world calls us hypocrites! And I feel so ashamed sometimes...I have participated in these things. I have witnessed these things and have rarely ever said a word about it. Just goes to show how ready I am to be a mom *sarcasm*! When I have kids someday, I'm sure I'll be the most outspoken mom, because I want my kids to be able to see through all the hypocritical fluff. But that's a whoooole different subject!
Life is crazy...and precious. We only have a second in time compared to all the years past. One moment in history - how are you spending yours? What do you do ith all your moments? When you walk through the door from a long day's work and your child runs into your arms, do you hold them like it will be the last time? When your husband puts his arm around your waist, do you look into his eyes with a loving smile? When you wake up next to your spouse each and every single morning, do you smile with a greatful heart that you don't wake up alone? When you walk into church do you greet your pastor with a smile and respectful tone in your voice? When you're at the grocery store, do you brush by employees and random people, or acknowledge their living presence right in front of your face? Are you kind and hospitable in character? Are you gracious and compassionate? Are you giving and forgiving?
This is serious stuff, folks. These questions are not asked very often. When they are asked, they are seldom answered or pondered. People might say I take life too seriously...they don't know me very well! I laugh ALL THE TIME! Ask anyone close to me. I am the complete opposite of serious - sometimes I don't know when to calm down and BE serious! I just like to laugh. Love it. But this is definitely one thing that has cut me to the heart. "Christians" don't help each other, they burden each other. We don't encrouage one another, we criticize. We don't smile, but actually frown at each other! What?! Talk about antichrist behavior! We don't pray for one another...God help us. We gossip and complain about each other. We don't look at our faults: laziness, complaining, bad attitude, envy, anger, bitterness, and on and on. We instead look at the faults of others, no matter how small or how big. We treat every day like we will have plenty more, like we are owed the days of our lives, when it is by God's grace that we live to see the next morning. This should cut us to the heart.

"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. " Matthew 7:3-5

"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." John 13:34-35

Do those words not touch your heart? Doesn't it mean so much?
And doesn't it take a lifetime to come to the point where we are perfect in all things, holy, and without blame in love? Ask any senior saint and they'll tell you it has taken them their whole life in Christ to weed out all the sin in their heart, and they are still not finished. I am convinced that as long as I am broken and grieving over MY sin, I won't have room to criticize and find fault in others. As long as I'm focused pulling that beam out of my eye, I won't have time to focus on the little speck in my brother's eye. And you won't either.
We don't know what compassion is anymore. When someone falls, pick them back up and wipe the dirt off them. Tell them to press on and get back to walking with Jesus, Who will never forsake them! When some one is just so simple and foolish, pray for them. Open the windows of heaven on their behalf, through prayer! We don't know what love is anymore. We no longer understand sacrifice.
Friends, it's time we wake up and smell the coffee. This world is lost, dying, and going to hell, and we're not even soft-hearted enough to be kind to our brother!
What should we do? What will YOU do? Let's start praying for revival, for every Christian in this world. For ourselves...
God answers prayer. Prayer is our greatest weapon against the devil, and against sin. When you are feeling critical, cry out to Jesus. Thank Him for His love for you always. Thank Him for everything! When you feel irritable and not very loving, cry out to Jesus. The world needs HELP, but so do we. And our help is nearer than theirs.
This world is ugly. It is battered and scarred. It is angry and bitter and resentful. But I know some "Christians" - bought by Christ in His mercy and love - who match the same definition. That should break our hearts.

I Am Pro-Life. True Story.

We Have to Remember

There is a man from America who, when recently asked about his view on Memorial Day, said he is "uncomfortable" with calling fallen soldiers our HEROES. What?! He apparently has never considered the fact that without the sacrifices made by the men and women of this country, he might not be where he is today. It was God's grace shed on him. Shed on us. THAT is the reason we are here today, having obtained the liberties we still hold today. And though those liberties are being crammed and thinned through a socialist strainer with communist highlights, I'm going to simply and ask you to all remember today those who love America for who she was and who she will always be. The America I know is free and full of fighters who believe in freedom of EVERYTHING.

Our heroes are sent out all over the world, and they are from here, my home. Thank you all for giving of your dreams and plans for ours. Thank you for your service and laying your life on the line. Thank you to those who have lost their lives for our freedom.

Never forget them. Thank God for them every day. We should never think, in all time, that they do not deserve to be called heroes. They are nothing less than heroes. They are the legs that America stands on, God and His Word being the foundation.

I'm a Little Person

Parents Who Share

There are sooooo many benefits to living at home as a young woman until you get married. Of course I understand some girls go on long mission trips, move to bigger towns for good paying jobs, some go to college, and some just want to travel. No big deal, just wanted to share what I love about being here while I'm here!

I still live with my parents...sweetness. Free food, free water supply, free place to sleep at night, they let me use the master bathroom half the time because the family bathroom has no shower (!!!)....yes, life is sweet. I am blessed. I am loved and welcomed in this home. My parents share with me and don't pressure me to go to college and get a job RIGHT NOW like everyone else. And it's wonderful. I'm more emotionally, physically, and mentally stable than most people my age because of my amazing parents who support me and love me, even if my room isn't clean six out seven days.
My Mom shares like...EVERYTHING with me! There's a wedding I'm playing the piano for this weekend. First time I've ever done this! I didn't really have anything to wear for a wedding and was not going to go buy a dress just for that. Mom is letting me wear her new dress from Kohl's. She happens to be about one inch taller than me but is two shoe sizes smaller (blah) so we are always borrowing clothes from each other. People think that a girl wearing her mom's clothes is weird. It's sad that we can no longer borrow each other's shoes. I love sharing with my Mom. She has a great sense of style and is just a beautiful person! Her and Dad keep each other young. They share their love. They give and do not take in their relationship. They laugh and are always flirting. They share the sight of an almost-perfect marriage with their kids. They are always together - I mean always! Sharing their love out loud is a great example to me of how amazing being married can be.
My Dad shares with us the lessons he's learned in life. He has MS and through this, has learned many things about trusting God, surrendering everything to God, listening to God's voice and much more. He's a humble and meek man, and yet is so strong and wise. He shares that wisdom with us. Shares his time. Shares his income. You don't see many dads who do that these days. My Dad is NOT selfish. He works on my car when there's something wrong with it and buys me movies, clothes, flowers and candy. He teases me and hugs me when I walk up to him. He is interested in me and shares his life with me.
My Mom shares her time too. Time is probably my Mom's love language, she just likes "being together". Every morning, after Dad leaves for work, she and I sit and talk for about an hour before the other kids wake up. She doesn't like to work out, and I do. It's kind of a hobby. Even though she doesn't like it, she still works out with me. She likes to pull weeds...and I don't. But since she takes time to do the things I like, and share my passions, it makes me want to share hers as well.
My parents share with their kids. While growing up, they gave me privileges I never thought I'd have. I guess you don't need so many rules when you have a great relationship with your kids. You don't have to worry about them doing something wrong when they are best friends with their parents.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Come and Learn With Me

I learned a valuable lesson this morning.......DO NOT eat Mrs. Baird's chocolate frosted mini-donuts for breakfast before working out, especially after skipping a few days. That was probably the trigger. Nausea will replace the burning sensation that happens when your muscles are reaching their limit while exercising. It's not worth it - just say no. lol, say no to Mrs. Baird's donuts.

The next thing I'm about to tell you is going to be very VERY hard for me to share. An epiphany I had this morning, and it will reveal my ugly, old self - the self I fight every day. But since I'm not the only one, I feel like I need to. It started with my camera, when I was snapping shots of my little sister this morning before she woke up. It's just a regular digital camera, but with diligence, the pictures have gotten better and better. I've heard of three main keys to photography: Good eye, good camera, steady hand. And I'm convinced that with all the free editing websites you can find, pretty close to anyone can be a photographer.
But what I would tell you is: Just take pictures.
So I love photography. I love capturing the moment. There have been moments in time I wish would have just stood still. For the whole world to slow into a stupendous still-motion and leave me there to melt. That's when a camera comes in handy. It's true when you hear, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

With that said, my camera is my treasure. I'm a very territorial person. I don't like you getting in my space or using my things. I do not cooperate well with control-freaks, probably because I'm border-line......okay, I am a control-freak. At least, when it comes to what is mine (which has the potential to be a good thing, but that's a completely different discussion). Many people will comment on how much patience I have. It's by the grace of God! If only they saw my battle of self-control boiling under the surface at times. Proverbs 16:32!
I hate that about myself - that is such an ugly sin. Sometimes I have to shut the door, look in the mirror, and say, "JUST. LET. GO." Keep breathing, relax, nobody died...it's okay if the little ones want to take your camera around the backyard and snap a few...*big sigh*
The little butterfly I talked about yesterday is my mini-me. She loves my camera. She sees the pictures I take and wants to do the same thing. When my camera is missing, it's likely to be in her hands...or where ever she left it! When I download pictures into the file on this computer, there are always random or blurry photos that come up in between the ones I've taken. Most likely, they're my baby sister's work.
She watches me and adopts my likes and dislike, my habits, my style. She follows me, watches me until I am completely absent from the room...she's most of the time at my heels. She cries and it kills me, laughs and my heart fills, screams and I'm there in a heart beat. She can be sassy sometimes and win an argument with ease - just like me. We got it from our Mother.
Mom is the queen of words, knows how to use them wisely and effectively, and I must add, is the best Mom in the world!
OK, back to the main subject (I can get side-tracked so easily!). Like I said, I'm very territorial. When my little butterfly uses my camera, reorganizes my bedroom, and sticks her little fingers in the rolls that I set out to rise while the oven is heating, it becomes my business.
Now, my hands have stopped moving and are hanging over the keyboard, and I'm about to get in some deep confession time. How do I say this...?
Since I'm selfish, I don't want to share. Since I'm prideful, I don't want my project to be added to by anyone else. And since I am sinful (like all human beings), I lose self-control when my pride is stepped on or my selfishness is not gratified. It's when I lose control. That's when I lose it. Does that make sense?
And I guess I'm really not ready to be a mother. I'm not as grown up as I think. Because if I feel that my territory is so important as to lose it when little, sweet hands borrow what belongs to her hero, how can I share a life with the ones who will be my own? What worth do dreams have if they can't be shared with the ones we raise? Where will their dreams come from? Where would the impact that daily changes us into His image come from? What is it about the word MINE that is so monumental? We learn it when we're in diapers. We often carry it into adulthood. Today I learned, TODAY I'm letting this change me.

The life I live is not about ME.

If we can't share our lives, our hobbies, our attributes, our love, our time... If we can't share that with our children, what worth does it all have? I don't want my kids someday to live off another person's dreams simply because I won't share mine with them. I want to teach them, to grow them, to help them start their stories with a loving and encouraging hand. I want to be an open door to my kids. To be an "open-door" mom, not a "closed-door" mom. God gave me a little sister to help me learn that. And I'm running with it. I can take her with me when there's a picture to shoot and let her take a few, show her the ropes. I can suffer one dinner roll to lose it's puffiness and teach her why the dough reacts that way, the science of cooking. It's so simple, it's almost funny. But it's really not funny. This is important.

I know a woman who is a "closed-door" mom. She doesn't share with her oldest daughter, who is a toddler. She loses it when her daughter picks up her purse or moves her husband's shoes out of the closet. That kid is allowed little-to-no curiosity. If there is one thing I don't want to be as a mother, it is exactly that.

Do you share your life with your kids? Do you let them cook and clean with you, create and dream with you? Don't see them as being in the way. They want to see things through your eyes, to know what you know, to do what you do. It's the way God made them. It's why God allowed you to be a parent. And for every single ounce of time God has given you with them, that you don't use, someone else - or something - will gladly use it for you. I don't think I need to address the parents and older siblings out there who let the little people in life control them - there's too many out there who are controlling their kids. Be an open door. This journey will have many more lessons for me to learn, so I'm gonna learn this one right now before the next one comes knocking on the door! Come and learn with me.

Why Live?

What are you living for?
Why get out of bed in the morning?
I had to think and think...trying to find an epiphany of an answer. But the answer didn't come until a couple hours later. It's so simple.

The sunrise.

The thought of cinnamon rolls or waffles and orange juice.

My Mom will be sitting at the computer researching MS or reading the news, and wanting to talk and laugh with me early in the morning before anyone else wakes up.

The thought of working out and feeling that wonderful burn...lol.



There are things I have to do.

Questions I have to answer.

People I need to see.

People who NEED me: my little sister, my Mom, the kids at RU.

There's a life I need to live and a purpose that still needs to be fulfilled.

There's an adventure waiting just around the bend.

There's a Bible waiting for me to open it and gain wisdom and knowledge.

There are people who need my prayers - need me to get out of bed and get on my knees.

There's a reason for everything, so there must be a reason I'm here, and I don't want to miss it.

There is God, who wants me to follow Him. Because no one has the same journey as me that He has mapped out Himself and made me for.

It's funny because...these are all things that I'm thankful for. The reason I get out of bed each morning... The reason I'm LIVING. And since I'm still young and healthy and (as far as I know) not anywhere close to dying, I need to ask myself "What are you living for?" instead of "What would you die for?". How can we die for something when we live for nothing?

There are people I'm living for as well. I mentioned my sister. God gave her to be my little baby sister. She's like a butterfly. Imaginative, energetic, sensitive and very VERY smart. Wise beyond her years. She has taught me how to not be selfish (I'm still learning that one), taught me what it means to always be there for someone, taught me how to laugh instead of get angry, taught me why it is so important to always speak with love coming out of my heart, taught me that kids are just as smart as adults (just not as mature and not as knowledgeable about the world), and she has taught me much more. And now you may be thinking, "Well, you need her!". God knew that I needed her to teach me things. But she needs me to be there for her. She needs me to believe in her and support her all the time. She needs to see Jesus in me and to see what a best friend really looks like. There are things that only I can help her with as a sister. I started praying for a little sister when I was ten. There was me and my two brothers at the time. Mom got pregnant a couple months before I turned eleven - and lost the baby. We're not sure if it was a girl or not - but we call her Lauren (Sorry buddy, if you're a boy! We'll find out someday in heaven). Dad said they were done after that. But God wasn't through :) Not long after that, Mom was pregnant again and now we have our little butterfly. She looks so much like me, everyone thinks she's my daughter. And she needs me. She's a follower - she listens to other people's opinions about her and those opinions affect her habits and her character. I am the opposite - I'm a leader type and very observant. She needs me to guide her as her sister and show her who she is in Christ, and that that's all that really matters.

God placed me here for several reasons. I'm not just a loose feather floating in the air. I have reasons to get out of bed each morning.  Reasons to look at the sunrise and smile and hope.

Some people can't get out of bed each morning. Some people are sick, maybe dying. You may feel that your life no longer has a purpose. But if you are still alive, believe me - you are here for a purpose. Don't give up on it. Don't give up on God. I've been bedridden before - feeling totally helpless, in constant pain. I know. But I also know what faith in God can do when it is unwavering, no matter our circumstances. You may be lying on your back, crying into the pillow that is thrown over your head, gritting your teeth, trying with everything that is in you to praise God instead of curse Him. Even there, He IS there. And He will use you, in a mighty way, if you will let Him.

We who can get out of bed should do it simply because we can. And be thankful.

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Colossians 3:15

Punishment?

"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."

-Mother Teresa

America must be the poorest nation on Earth.

 

Continued... Read My Journal!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

   ....And what do I get for all my sin in the end? Heaven.
Heaven in my soul, heaven when I die. With streets of gold and calm waters beside green and soft pastures. With God of the ages, the Perfect, the Pure. The Everlasting Righteousness. The Way, the Truth, and the Life...Jesus Christ. The one and only. I get to spend eternity with HIM! I get to kneel before Him for all eternity, in the splendor of His holiness, and praise Him. I will be before Him, clothed in purity, cleansed from all the sin and filth that has plagued my soul since birth. I'm saved. When I called upon the name of the Lord...he did not stay, or wait, He came to me! He saved me, in all my sin, saved me from hell, my punishment. And when God the Father looks at me, he doesn't see the sins I still sin. He doesn't see my mistakes, He doesn't see my ugliness. He sees nail scarred hands, a blistered brow, and perfect blood running through my veins. He sees the everlasting covenant covering me. He sees His Son Jesus. And according to 2 Corinthians 5:21, I am the righteousness of God. It's hurts, I'm not worthy. So very very unacceptable. I should be rejected, but He took that. I should be beaten, but He bore my wounds. I should be crucified for the liar and thief that I am. He carried my cross. Anything good about me is of Him, and by myself, I am unlovable. But He loved me. He loved me for me. Hell should be mine. He fought hell for me. And He arose from out of the grave. Death could not keep Him, Jesus my Savior. He pardoned my iniquity on Calvary's hill. But to bring me the victory, He had to rise. Nothing held Him back from reaching me. Not even the mistakes He knew I'd make after my soul was sealed with his redemption. Nothing - no one - stopped my Jesus.
Jesus loves me. He loves me like no one can. He took me in my most undesirable state. He drew me out of many waters...Psalm 18. He is my strength. My shield. My buckler and the horn of my salvation. I will call upon the LORD, so shall I be saved from my enemies.
He is worthy to be praised.
And when I think of this, and how Jesus loves me, nothing else really matters. Except, I want to be like Him now. Never ever ever again to be like Erica. I want the whole world and every breathing person walking it to know Him too. Not just to hear the story of Jesus. To know Him, like I know Him! I want to grow in the Lord. I don't want to sin anymore! If I don't change every day, in some small way (if all it is is a small change) then I'll be held back. And one thing I HATE is to be held back from something I know is good.
When I want something, I do not give up. Jesus never gave up on me, and He never will. He never gives up on anyone. He never gives up on His will. Nothing will stop the will of God...
Except the choices we make.
Lord, I need you! I want your will in my life.
 I feel like there's so many times I have made mistakes and still - God makes a way! Can it ever end, his deliverance? Is it ever too late? No. Where ever repentance is found, I believe there is always a second chance. When we cry for help, Jesus will always come for us. He's done all this...He DOES all this. Don't we owe him everything?
   I love someone. With all my heart, with all my soul, with everything I have in me.
But if I don't love Jesus more, I'm cheating the One who loved me in spite of myself, before anyone would have chose me the way He did - the way Jesus did.
We can love with a true love, agape love. But it is only in the power of Jesus that we can do so. He is everything to me, whether I realize it or not. I want to KNOW Him. I want to live on this earth like I am dying. No time for hatred or fear. No room for pride or selfishness. The more I know Him, the more I'll be like Him. That is my desire.
That is my life goal.
Thank You Jesus, for helping me get lost in your love. Thank you for reminding me - no one loves me as much as you do.

Read My Journal!

Don't you just love being able to see what some people are REALLY thinking inside? Well, at least I do. haha... This was a loooooooooong entry in my journal so it's gonna be two posts long. This post is about who my old self is - the old self I fight EVERY SINGLE DAY. But the sequel to this journal entry is about my new self, who I am in Christ.

From my journal:
      Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Perfect - I am NOT. Thank You, Father God, that I am not perfect. Thank You even more for showing me!
Oh heaven, it's almost heaven. Showing someone exactly who I am, the sinner I am, and them loving me still. Wanting me still.
Agape love.
I am a fearful little thing. Scared of losing good things in my life, because I've lost so much. Scared of simply MOVING at times, because I've made so many wrong moves, wrong choices. My fears hold me back from giving of myself, even when I think of myself as a good giver. Me, thinking I'm anything at all, ever thinking of myself, it's pride. I can't stand it when I get slammed, when I'm dead-wrong and someone lets me know. Especially when I come to some awesome person to let them know that he's done wrong and he ends up correcting me! I hold everything in. And I mean everything. Try to work problems out on my own and don't open up at all...until it's too much for me anymore and then you'll see me run to my closest confidant (Mother!) and drench her with my pitiful stories of life's troubles. She listens every time and has been known to give me a much needed "slap" in the face when my thoughts and feelings and female emotions had gone too far. A poker face can be used for very few good things - and I use it to cover up what I'm feeling. I am stubborn and very independent. I try to figure things out on my own, leading back up to pride. That pride hinders my walk with Christ, my loving Jesus. My foolish pride will keep me from reading His Word. Pride never did help anyone...
I can nag the shoe off a horse's foot. You hold something from me, I will drag it out of you. There's only one rightful synonym for nag, and that is contention. I am Delilah! Manipulative, contentious Delilah. And I'm not proud...when will I learn?! I would rather be honest, like Esther, not subtle. I'd rather be humble, like Ruth. Straight-forward and blunt. I am to be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove. I see the serpent in me, but there's no dove. I'm so weak sometimes. I won't always stand my ground when I know I should. I let people use me...all the while seeing myself as some sort of martyr that will be rescued soon enough. And if I do stand up for myself, I fear disappointment from them. I want to be LOVED by them. To be loved by the world. Now THAT is sin. God help me. God teach me to desire the world's hate. Help me to rejoice when I am looked at and judged, when I am treated with that condescending air.
I am a plotter and a schemer. A liar and a cheat. A good actress, sort of. A prideful, starving beggar at heart. Needy, yet prideful, and unwilling to reach out for help. Selfish and stubborn. Fleshly, lustful, sinful. Oh, wrecthed woman that I am! (Romans 7:24)
But I am washed. So what do I get for all my sin in the end? Heaven...

To be continued

                                    

          

Don't Write My Story

 Life is precious. Every life is valuable and every life is a story just waiting to be written. Even the weakest person you know has a place in this world. And their story is not meant to be written on by YOU or anyone else. We hear all the time, "If you don't write your story, someone else will write it for you." Well we've heard enough of that.

Today, I'm saying this: "Don't write in someone else's book."

You wouldn't like it if someone walked up to you while there was a good book in your hands, grabbed it, and marked across the page with a thick Sharpie. I have never been very agreeable with someone who tried to map out my life for me. I am independent and strong-willed. Stubborn.....yes, it can lead to rebellion. And sometimes I have gone astray from the Lord, the one who would have gladly led me by still waters and through green pastures. He has never given up on me and is still working on me. Some times God will put certain people on our path to guide us in the ways of the Lord and to encourage us to stay on that narrow path. They can be very "black-and-white" and rebuke us sharply, or they can have a quiet spirit and be understanding. God knows when we need an angel in disguise. But that is just as often as I said - some times. Other times there may be someone come up in our lives who would try to lead us in the way they thought right for us. They may love us, want what's best for us, and we may just love them back. But ultimately, they teach us the wrong ways. They may be people who just want to make a buck off of us. We need to be, as the Bible says, wise as serpents and harmless as doves; and kindly decline their advice.

This situation is part of my story. So many people I love dearly want me to pursue their dreams and their plans for me. But not God's.

"You need to go to college."
"You need to get a well-paying job and start taking some classes so you can get some experience!"
"You'll never be ready to face the real world without any practice. You've got to start somewhere!"

What these people do not realize is that I started at Calvary and my story is just as important as the greatest preacher or war hero's story. These suggestions on how to live life are thoughtful, considerate, and helpful, until they become aggressive and condescending.

"You don't know anything about the real world...yet."
"Life's a lot tougher than you thought it would be, huh?"
"You are selfish and take advantage of your family by staying at home, mooching off their living."

Have you ever said this to a young person who was genuinely seeking God's will for their life? Lay off. This is plain spite. As Christians, we are taught by Christ to encourage and admonish one another, rebuke when sin is a problem, and PRAY constantly, without ceasing. We are not taught to belittle or degrade the confidence or self-esteem of our family. We are to be patient and kind - something I struggle with. There are young people in this world who need counsellors and older friends who will guide them in the ways of the Lord, but not lead them down a personal path that they created for the young person. I am still very young and am sick and tired of people trying to write on the pages of my book with their words and their actions. I am not a puppet and I will not be taken advantage of. I am a servant of the Lord and a daughter of the King of kings and I expect to be treated as such. So many young people, from junior high into their early twenties are respectful and sacrificial people, taught by their parents to love the Lord. What is so wrong about a sold-out teenager? It's like the public expects us to be rebellious and world-seeking and thinks there is something WRONG with us when we aren't. They see us, joyful, content and victorious and when we smile, they make it their mission to shut us down. Well that won't work with me.
Don't write my story, it's not yours. It's God's. And I decided a long time ago that I wanted Him to write it because He is the only one who can make anything good out of it. He is doing wonderful things in my life and doesn't need your help. Teachers, college professors, government workers and politicians, Hollywood stars and control-freaks, this is for you: Let go and let God.

Leave me alone, and leave the Christ-seeking young people in this world alone. We seek God's truth, not your opinion. How much do you trust God? Enough to release everything to His will?

There are men and women in this country who are pushing abortion rights, gay-marriage rights, and who are trying to abolish Biblical parental authority in the area of discipline. They are trying to change the content of our stories. Men and women in this country advocate pornography and liberated use of drugs and alcohol. Lie upon lie upon lie, as kids are still taught evolution, and worse things, at school. But like I said, you could be just one single person out of this whole world, writing on someone else's pages by accusing those who are genuine, degrading those who live joyful lives opposed to your troubled and discontent life, and belittling those with child-like faith. If you don't like the victory that some people are experiencing in their Christian lives, then why don't you try getting some experience in yourself? Maybe you need to get saved. I was very heated about this topic today, more than usual. I'm tried of seeing young Christans discouraged by those who are meant to hold us up but instead tear us down. Thank you to all who believe in the potential God put in us as human beings and guiding us with firm but gentle hands down the straight and narrow path. You are vessels of mercy in a world of hate.

And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea. Mark 9:42

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22

Will the Real Women Please Step Down!

                                                

I know a little about Feminism. I grew up with a feminist mindset. Every time church would let out before noon, I and my best friend in junior high would run to the group of boys. And not because we were boy crazy... We played football with them and tackled every one of those boys on the opposite team who was running for the touchdown. I played basketball with all the guys and was great at defense. I always competed with the tallest or strongest boys, and would have never ever, in a million years, be caught in the color pink. I even organized a game we all played on the weekends - boys against girls every time. The game was called "war". The guys loved it! I think the other girls just liked being chased around. But not me, I was one of the boys - firing a machine gun in my imagination and tackling down the enemy, bringing home hostages... And the guys knew exactly what made me mad - mentioning the fact that I was a girl, implying weakness.  I've never liked feeling or appearing weak. It's still my downfall. Sometimes the military still seems like just the thing for me (oh, I hadn't mentioned that yet!). I'm not against women in the military, I'm just trying to make a point about my own life. By the time I turned twelve, I was really into the tough Avril Lavigne and Superchick type of personality and started skateboarding, painting the fingernails black, wearing heavy eye makeup, dreaming about my first tattoo and face piercing, and all in all totally turned away from everything I'd ever heard about God. My friends spoke the same words as the music I listened to - follow your heart, do your own thing, don't let anyone hold you back, this YOUR life.With that said, you can imagine the rebellion in my heart against my parents and spiritual authority. And I wanted to be equal with the guys and not this soft, puny little flower blowing in the wind. I wanted respect. But I wanted the wrong kind, and it did NOT satisfy.

I got deeper and deeper in this search to be anything but feminine (stay with me), turning backwards the one thing God made me to be (the weaker vessel), and now after almost four years of being born again, my past is like a bad dream that I just can't believe really happened. Thankfully, by God's grace and because of Jesus, I will never ever EVER have to answer for those sins...for that past.

After I became a child of God, and got turned upside down and inside out (glory to God), I still struggled with that feminist mindset. Dreams of a good, money-making business job or being the head of a corporation sounded wonderful...respect, power...you get the picture. Even the political field brought interest, for my voice would be heard. I've never liked feeling or appearing as a "good girl". Never liked being thought of as a pushover. It's still my weakness.

I say all that to say this: I am one of many young women taught (and deceived) by society today in the area of a woman's rights, a woman's duties, and woman's position in the world. Men were made for greatness, and women were made for gentleness. Men were made to fight, women were made to heal. Men were made for chivalry, women for chastity. Men and women were made for two different kind of strengths. This is a difference that I believe women rejected before men ever forgot. But there is one thing that we are all equal in - the weakness that makes us all HUMAN BEINGS. Pride. Ladies, it is worth it to be a woman and to act like one. It is worth it to let the men go and fight while you are productive at home and wait for them to return. It's worth it to sacrifice the power and "respect" that all women crave, for the wonderful job of raising strong kids. There's nothing weak about being the weaker vessel. There's nothing puny or soft about submitting. It takes a tough lady to yield to a man. "...and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Genesis 3:16.  Since the first sin, it's been our weakness as women. Pride - wanting to be equal with men, desiring to feel just as important. When we ask our men, "Where would men be without women?" shame on them for answering, "In the garden of Eden." But shame on us for popping the question in the first place. We no longer respect men, and therefore they no longer respect us. And it's turned into this vicious cycle where no one recognizes anymore the sick mentality that women have adopted. It's everywhere, it's the norm. But what's important is to see that if we women are tired of sissy men, we need to stop being manly women. It's not hard to figure out what femininity looks like opposed to masculinity. And feminine is not weak, it is Proverbs 31. A strong, capable woman with a plan. She is gracious and successful at home, she is in shape and is an encourager. She speaks out for those unable to help themselves, and reaches her hands out to the poor. She fears the Lord and her identity is in Him. She is a unique individual and is not a pushover, yet does not push others around and is not overbearing. She serves others and she makes a better man out of her husband by being a good woman. He is able to trust her. He and the children praise and respect her. She is powerful in the graceful disguise of the "weaker vessel". She is a warrior in prayer. Remember, we never battle against flesh and blood. It all starts on the spiritual side of things. You ask, "What if the sissy men stay sissies?" Uh, I doubt it. Who are you putting your trust in? Bottom line: kill pride. Hate fear, love faith.

Will the real women please step down? You won't regret it here on earth, and you sure won't regret it in Heaven.